Day 3: Self Portrait, After Loss

See this post to read why I'm doing this.

Day 3: Self Portrait, After Loss

     This was taken a little over a month after the triplets were born.   We went for an evening boat ride and split a bottle of wine.   The water was perfect, calm. The weather  was perfect, cool. The wine was perfect, cold.  The boat was perfect, it ran.  My blanket was perfect, it kept me warm.  Sounds like a perfect night, right? But I cried. All night long. 

     I shouldn't have been on the boat. I shouldn't have been able to have a glass of wine.  I shouldn't have been relaxing.

      I should have been home, resting.  My babies should have been inside of me, growing strong.

      The good thing about that night, and many more evening boat rides, was that it gave Michael and I a chance to talk, a chance for us to talk about the beautiful children we created, without the distractions of life.  There really is nothing more peaceful than watching the sunset cuddled with your love, smelling the salt water and feeling the boat rock beneath you with each small ripple in the water.  In some small way, I felt more connected to the babies.

     So I smiled, a small smile, but not because I was happy to be there on the boat, but because we did make 3 beautiful children whom we both love with all of our hearts.