My Babies Are Loved

    Nothing makes me more happy than when someone says something sweet to me about my children. I love reading, and re-reading, the cards I received, I love reading the comments on this blog, and I especially love the people who have asked to see pictures of my babies and have let me talk about them. And I love the fact that I have so many great reminders of Ryker, Tommy and MaryElizabeth throughout our house. Some are from friends, some from family, and some that I bought for myself. Here are just a few of my favorites:

1. Personalized ornaments.  I got Ryker the blue one, MaryElizabeth the pink, and a green one for Tommy. I'm still looking for a good place to hang these...

2. Triple photo frame.  I chose my favorite black and white picture of each baby and put their name underneath their picture. I keep this next to my bed.   

3. Sun Catcher: This thoughtful gift came from a very special friend who lives half way across the world. She was my pregnancy buddy, as we were both expecting triplets and had due dates only days apart from each other. It must have been so hard for her to read my story, knowing she was right behind me and that not all pregnancies have happy endings. But not only did she message me almost daily to check on me and offer support, she sent me this beautiful sun catcher. It's hard to see in this picture, but the silver circle is engraved with each baby's name and I absolutely love this gift! Now I just need to find the perfect place for it.

4. Personalized cross: This was such a thoughtful gift from good friends of ours. As you can see, I love anything that has our babies names on it! I put this over the ultrasound picture from the day I found out there were 3 in there, and it's in my curio cabinet. I also have a large picture of them, their birth announcement, and 3 crystal angels in there.

Mail

     I have really loved getting the mail the past few weeks because there was almost always a card letting me know others were thinking of our precious children.  But today, I wasn't so happy to open the mail box to find 2 (Target and BRU) registry completion coupons.  My shower would have been almost a month ago, and I should be just about 29 weeks, so I guess I would be thinking of that right now. Thanks so much for reminding me of that....

     But I'm not going to dwell on that, instead I'm going to think about the really thoughtful gifts that I have received in the mail this week.  This is going to require a post on it's own, because it's a pretty extensive list!  I'm going to take some pictures too, to show you how Ryker, Tommy and MaryElizabeth are all around our home.  

     And I also made myself a really cute (in my opinion) shutterfly book with my favorite pictures.  Some people may not be comfortable seeing these pictures, but if you want to just ask and I would love to share it with you!

    

I Miss My Babies

     Ryker.

     Tommy.

     MaryElizabeth.

     I just needed to write, to hear, their names. I wish more people were able to meet them.  I wish more people would use their names. I wish they were here with me and I didn't have to have these wishes. 

1 Month Angelversary

     One month. 

     One month since you entered this world, one month since you've left this world. Without a doubt, this has been the hardest month of my life.  I spent yesterday re-reading all of the cards I received, and it makes me so happy to know so many people are still thinking of our children.  Our families, co-workers and friends have all sent some beautiful cards and flowers, and although Michael and I have not had a chance to thank anyone yet, please know we do appreciate all of you. Thank you. 

     I am usually a pretty good writer, but honestly, I have few words today. I am just so sad, and I can't put into words how I feel. I love Ryker, Tommy, and MaryElizabeth so, so much and it breaks my heart to know that I will never be able to watch them grow up. I can't put cute little monthly stickers on their onesies and take their one month pictures today. All I can do is hold their ashes and cry.  And it's not just for myself and my loss that I cry for. I cry because I took away being a daddy from my husband.  He might not have been overly excited about triplets in the beginning, but he was ready for the challenge and fell in love with our 3 children.  My mom and mother-in-law won't get to know their first grandchildren. My brothers and sisters won't be able to spoil their little niece and nephews. Our family and friends won't be able to watch our trio grow up.  So many people lost so much.  These 3 babies would have been so loved by so many and it just hurts so much to think about how different things could have been.