3 Months. I don't know what to think about that. Has it been a long 3 months? Has it been a short 3 months? I don't know. All I do know is that I miss my babies so, so much. I think about them every single day. I think about the things I would be doing with them. I think about how much they would have grown. I think about how different our life would be. And then I cry. I just want to hold them, kiss them, see them. I want them here with me.
I started school this week, and though numerous people told me it would be good for me to have a routine and focus on something else, it didn't help. In fact, it was harder than I thought it would be. The questions, the looks, it was all too much for me. Maybe in time that will change, but in my eyes I'm just doing one more thing that I shouldn't be. I should be on maternity leave right now. I should have 3 precious little babies to take care of. I should be happy. It's so hard to do things that I shouldn't be doing. Will that feeling ever go away?
Do you like the new pictures I added? Carly Marie, http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2010/11/are-you-here-for-first-time.html, does such a beautiful job. In memory of her son that she lost, she goes to the beach and will write in the sand the name of any child lost too soon, at sunset. I love the ones she made for Ryker, Tommy and MaryElizabeth. They're perfect, aren't they?
My heart still breaks for you. I love the beach pictures. I also think she did a beautiful job.
ReplyDeleteThe beach pictures are wonderful. I'm sorry being at school is harder than you thought it would be.
ReplyDeleteI hope u get into a comfortable routine soon! And the pictures are so sweet!
ReplyDeleteI just read your story and I am in tears. I cannot imagine the strength you need to get through each day. The sunset pictures are beautiful. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I had multiple miscarriages which was excruciating but that does not compare to looking into your children's eyes and holding their hands and then losing them.
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