1 Month Angelversary

     One month. 

     One month since you entered this world, one month since you've left this world. Without a doubt, this has been the hardest month of my life.  I spent yesterday re-reading all of the cards I received, and it makes me so happy to know so many people are still thinking of our children.  Our families, co-workers and friends have all sent some beautiful cards and flowers, and although Michael and I have not had a chance to thank anyone yet, please know we do appreciate all of you. Thank you. 

     I am usually a pretty good writer, but honestly, I have few words today. I am just so sad, and I can't put into words how I feel. I love Ryker, Tommy, and MaryElizabeth so, so much and it breaks my heart to know that I will never be able to watch them grow up. I can't put cute little monthly stickers on their onesies and take their one month pictures today. All I can do is hold their ashes and cry.  And it's not just for myself and my loss that I cry for. I cry because I took away being a daddy from my husband.  He might not have been overly excited about triplets in the beginning, but he was ready for the challenge and fell in love with our 3 children.  My mom and mother-in-law won't get to know their first grandchildren. My brothers and sisters won't be able to spoil their little niece and nephews. Our family and friends won't be able to watch our trio grow up.  So many people lost so much.  These 3 babies would have been so loved by so many and it just hurts so much to think about how different things could have been.